Superman Versus The Uberbabes
© Chris Port, 2000
A Youth Theatre 'Play In A Day'
This little playlet was written VERY quickly (first and only draft) for a ‘play in a day’ at a youth theatre with LOTS of kids! It’s (hopefully) fun and silly, with a slightly more adult message underneath...
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SCENES ONE THROUGH TO SEVENTEEN
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SCENE TWO
Street Scene: outside the offices of The Daily Distortion.
CAST
Street People Groups 1-4; Newsgirl; Lois Vain; Clark Essex.
[Scenes of street life].
NEWSGIRL
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Euro collapses! Britain withdraws!
European Union threatens war!
Read all about it!
Royal marriage! Girls worst fears!
Prince to marry Britney Spears!
[Enter CLARK ESSEX and LOIS VAIN carrying a bag full of imaginary breadcrumbs].
LOIS
Clark! Keep up! Let’s feed the pigeons. [She starts to throw imaginary breadcrumbs at the audience].
CLARK
Uh. Sorry Lois. What were you saying? [He also starts to throw imaginary breadcrumbs].
LOIS
So this creep comes up to me at the bar and shouts ‘Hi! My name’s Jack!’ Breathing beer in my ear! The man was shouting at me, for Chrissake! Whatever happened to witty conversation?
CLARK
Uh. Well he probably had to shout, Lois. They play the music pretty loud down at... what’s it called again?
LOIS
The Meat Market. You been down there, Clark? I didn’t think it was your kind of place. I had you figured for Friday night TV Dinner for one. No offence.
CLARK
Uh. None taken, Lois. I only went down there once. I couldn’t hear a word anyone was saying.
LOIS
You’re weird, Clark. So anyway, this jerk...
CLARK
...Jack...
LOIS
Right. This jerk Jack asks me if I want a drink. Like as if I’m there to be picked up, right?
CLARK
You mean you weren’t there to be picked up?
LOIS
Well of course I was there to be picked up. Just not by this jerk.
CLARK
Why? What was wrong with him?
LOIS
What was right with him? The man’s clothes were six months out of style. He works in a... get this... in a library, so rich and jet-set he is not. And just because I’m sitting at the bar waiting for some real guy to make a move, he thinks he can pick me up by buying me a drink. I took the drink and told him to get lost. Sheesh. Some people are just so shallow, Clark.
CLARK
Uh. Right Lois.
LOIS
So anyway, I hear our new bosses are in today.
CLARK
New bosses?
LOIS
Oh get with it, Clark. The glass ceiling is finally cracking. We’ve got some women bosses coming in. Time to pack away all those girlie calendars, boys.
CLARK
Uh. Well my calendar has pictures of great writers, actually, Lois.
LOIS
Yeah. Like I said. You’re weird, Clark. And I’ll bet they’re all male writers.
CLARK
Uh. You’re probably right, Lois.
LOIS
You’re damned right I’m right. When are people going to give diaries by sassy, diet-obsessed women the literary greatness they deserve? Bridget Jones is up there with Hamlet, right?
CLARK
Whatever you say, Lois.
LOIS
Stop agreeing with me all the time, Clark. It’s so boring. You’re such a wimp.
CLARK
Whatever you say, Lois.
[They enter the offices].
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