© Chris Port, 2004
LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW.
Well, there’s certainly a big crowd of fit young men out there. I do hope they don’t become shy when they see all my guards and servants and silver and gold. Men can be quite put off by a rich, powerful woman. Silly boys!
Oh well. Here goes.
Come in contestant number one!
ENTER CONTESTANT. SHE READS FROM A CARD.
You are Prince David of Peckham. Your hobbies are football, fashion and mobile phones.
SHE OFFERS HER HAND TO BE KISSED.
Ooh, nice thighs.
CONTESTANT KNEELS AND KISSES HER HAND.
Well, you certainly have good manners. But do you have good conversation, I wonder? Tell me, on the spot, and don’t be intimidated by my money and power and beauty and intelligence. If I told you of a problem, what would you offer me?
A problem… a problem…
Don’t just repeat my words. If I want a parrot, I’ll buy a pet shop. What would you offer me?
THINKS HARD FOR A WHILE LONGER, THEN HIS EYES LIGHT UP.
Typical man! Don’t you know that when a woman talks about a problem, she doesn’t want a solution! She wants sympathy! Empathy! Understanding! What’s the point if, every time I find some nice juicy problem to talk about, you just stroll casually along and get rid of it! Where’s the respect there? What should we talk about? Oh, the long winter nights would just fly by. Off you fly, parrot. You are dismissed.
EXIT CONTESTANT. SHE SLUMPS.I think I’ll give up. Being single isn’t so bad.