© Chris Port, 2004
- TO BECOME GERDA.
A whole year has passed. And I have done nothing but watch the roses grow and die. Oh, how I miss Kay. Something must have hurt him deeply. Why has he become so cold? Where has he run to? I must find him.
ENTER A STREET-WISE CROW BY THE NAME OF EARL. HE SEES GERDA AND ‘CAWS’ AT HER.
Caw, sister. Caw.
Oh. Hello Mr Crow. If only I were a bird. Life would be so simple.
Caw, sister. Wha’appen?
I’m sorry, Mr Crow. I don’t understand bird talk.
What you talkin’ bout, baby. We all talk the talk and we all walk the walk.
HE STRUTS ABOUT THE GARDEN, PECKING AT THE ODD WORM.
I’m sorry. I still can’t understand you.
Caw, sister. Is it ‘cos I is bird? Try, baby. Try.
WITH STILTED EFFORT.
What happen, crow… dude?
Yeah! Right on, sister! Give me feather!
THEY SLAP A ‘HIGH FIVE’. THE CROW THEN GOES INTO ONE OF THOSE COMPLICATED HIGH, LOW BACKHAND VARIATIONS WHICH GERDA TRIES TO FOLLOW CLUMSILY.
You’re getting there, baby. Now, what you mopin’ ‘bout? Boy trouble? Girl, you gotta face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
Beautiful babe like you should be:
chillin’ on the beaches,
mixin’ with the peaches,
maxin’ and relaxin’,
am I taxin’ you with speeches?
don’ you be hurt, girl,
just you be heard! earl
the bird sang the word
and he practice what he preaches!
HE PLUCKS A WORM AND OFFERS IT TO HER.
You wanna chew some worm, baby?
No. Thank you. I mean… Later.
THINKING HOW TO TRANSLATE THIS INTO BIRD-TALK.
‘Appen there’s a mess,
there’s this princess in distress.
Sister, don’t you stress!
Just you give me her address!
Crow, you a pro, and I say you OK.
Crow, do you know? Have you seen my bro’, Kay?
I was slackin’ time, jackin’
with a daw one day,
when this lady crow so fine
blow my mind away!
I was packin’ wing, Heather,
now my crew do say
I am under her feather
Like this dude named… Kay!
Oh crow! You’ve seen Kay? He’s alive?
SHE HUGS AND KISSES THE CROW WHO SHRUGS IT OFF WITH COOL.
Hey. Easy, girl. Mind the feathers. Yeah, I seen this dude. Could be your main man Kay. But…
Well I doan’ wanna dive-bomb your eye, honey. But I think this dude Kay has dumped you big time. For a princess. I mean, a real princess.
Yeah, so I dun heard. And Earl is the bird with the word.
Sun your buns, make a nest,
Hun’, I’ll lay a tale on you
Of a prince and a princess
Then we’ll see what we can do.
GERDA SITS ON THE GROUND AS THE CROW BEGINS TO TELL THE TALE OF THE PRINCE AND THE PRINCESS.
Not too far from this ‘hood, there’s this princess chick good. And she is smart. I mean, she make teachers look dumb as sparrows. Now, I ain’t no birdist, but sparrows is dumb, you dig? She read all the newspapers in the world. Even those with lots of words and no good pictures. But, ‘cos she is so boff, she is bored. ’Appen I have the same problem myself sometime. So, one day, while sitting on the throne, she suddenly sit up and say…GERDA SITS UP -