© Chris Port, 1994. All rights reserved.
Scene 13.
Narrator, the Bitches, Sick Victim.
The Bitches taunt Sick Victim about the garden shed incident.
(Music and dancing. Brenda enters with Dan who stops to talk to people he knows. Monica sees him and avoids him. The Narrator finds a conspiratorial group of five giggling girls - the Bitches).
NARRATOR
Party politics. The politics of the playground. These usually revolve around one thing... (indicates group of five girls) ...the group. You get one at most parties. An exclusive little island of gigglers. Now if you’re a bitch, belonging to this group is all important. Because being outside it is like being that crying child in the playground, the butt of every fist and joke.
In order to stay in the group you have to make sure that you can always provide a victim. Because if you don’t, they may turn on you.
BITCH 1
Have you seen what Elizabeth Hanrahan is wearing?
BITCH 2
Oh I know. That skirt is so short. You can see what she had for breakfast.
BITCH 3
You can see right up her arse-crack.
BITCH 4
Why does she wear such tight clothes? She’s got such a lard arse.
BITCH 5
(Seeing Sick Victim). Listen. You know Stacy Kimble? Over there. She’s done it with Carl Brewerton.
BITCH 1
Carl Brewerton? Eargh!
BITCH 2
Where?
BITCH 5
BITCH 5
Tracy Johnson’s party.
BITCH 3
Where did you hear?
BITCH 5
(Conspiratorially). You know Dave Wiley? (Eager nods). Well he went out into the garden and he saw them!
BITCH 3
What?
BITCH 5
Doing it.
BITCH 4
What? Up against the shed?
BITCH 5
Yes.
BITCH 4
No. That’d make me sick.
BITCH 1
Eargh! Imagine those two.
BITCH 2
Do you think they made any noises?
BITCH 3
Yeah. (She snorts like a pig).
BITCH 4
I bet he’s got a really small willy.
BITCH 5
Yeah. Like waving a fag around in the Albert Hall.
BITCH 1
BITCH 1
I wonder how long it took?
BITCH 2
I don’t think her eggs would have boiled.
BITCH 1
What?
BITCH 2
Less than three minutes.
BITCH 1
Oh right.
(Sick Victim comes over to the group).
BITCH 5
Shh. Shh. She’s coming over.
BITCHES
Hello Stacy.
SICK VICTIM
Hello. Do you think this top looks alright?
BITCH 1
It looks lovely.
SICK VICTIM
Good. Only it’s not the one I came in. Monica just lent it to me.
BITCH 2
Why did you change?
SICK VICTIM
That geek Mark Fowler was sick on me.
BITCH 3
Oh no!
SICK VICTIM
Yes.
BITCH 4
We missed it.
SICK VICTIM
(Looking around nervously). There are so many arseholes here tonight.
BITCH 5
There’s Carl Brewerton over there.
SICK VICTIM
Oh he’s disgusting.
BITCH 1
Yeah. Imagine anyone sleeping with him. They’d have to be really desperate.
SICK VICTIM
Yes. He’s been trying to chat up Marie Horner over there. She’s such a tart.
BITCH 2
He doesn’t stand a chance with her.
BITCH 3
He’ll have to set his sights lower.
SICK VICTIM
So what’s the gossip then?
BITCH 4
We were just wondering about Carl. About how long he’d take. You know. Bonking.
(Laughter from the bitches).
SICK VICTIM
What?
BITCH 5
Nothing.
SICK VICTIM
Are you insinuating something?
BITCH 5
(Amidst giggles). No. Nothing.
SICK VICTIM
Yes you are. What’s going on?
BITCH 1
God! Don’t be so stroppy.
SICK VICTIM
Has someone been saying something about me?
BITCH 2
You’re so paranoid. It’s really boring.
SICK VICTIM
Why’s everyone been laughing at me then?
BITCH 3
You’re just being pathetic.
SICK VICTIM
Oh why don’t you all just piss off! (Exits crying).
BITCH 5
(Calling after her). Don’t shed any tears!
BITCH 4
God! That girl gets so easily wound up!
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