Chris Port, 2009
FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY
(An educational non-profit making adaptation of the short story The Boogeyman by Stephen King, 1973, devised and scripted for GCSE Drama)
A multi-role play for four actors
Characters (in order of appearance)
DR CALAMARI
(A psychiatrist)
HOWARD BEALE
(A depressed father)
LADS AND SLAGS!
(A sensationalist magazine)
DAVID BECKHAM
(A footballer who will survive the recession)
ASSAULT RIFLE ARTICLE
(An article in LADS AND SLAGS!)
DOCS AND SHOCKS!
(A sensationalist magazine)
BRITISH MEDICAL COUNCIL
(Self-explanatory)
ASSAULT RIFLE ARTICLE
(An article in DOCS AND SHOCKS!)
HANNIBAL LECTER
(From The Silence of the Lambs)
PRISON GUARD
(Self-explanatory)
INMATE
(Big Bertha)
MORGAN FREEMAN
(‘Red’ from The Shawshank Redemption)
MATHEMATICIAN
(Self-explanatory)
JACK
(HOWARD’s son, a dead toddler)
SHANE
(HOWARD’s son, a dead toddler)
MOTHER
(HOWARD’s estranged wife, AMY)
PRIEST
(At JACK’s funeral)
CORONER
(At JACK’s inquest)
PATHOLOGIST
(At SHANE’s autopsy)
BOGEYMAN
(A monster who likes to listen)
HOWARD BEALE visits a psychiatrist, DR CALAMARI, to talk about the circumstances surrounding the death of his two sons. Both of them died mysteriously when left alone in their bedrooms. The only link between their deaths is a crack in the closet door that HOWARD is certain he closed when he left his children…
(Lights up. A psychiatrist’s office. DR CALAMARI is sat in an armchair making notes on his clipboard. HOWARD BEALE is lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling. The ghosts of HOWARD’s children, JACK and SHANE, form the doors to DR CALAMARI’s cabinet. They watch their father intensely).
DR CALAMARI
(Ticking some boxes on his notes, he speaks with a very slight German accent). Fassscinating… (He looks up). So, Mr… (He peers at his notes again) … Beale… your doctor has referred you to a psychiatrist for paranoid depression…
HOWARD
Yes. He thinks there’s something wrong with me. They all think there’s something wrong with me.
(There is a slight, awkward pause).
DR CALAMARI
Ah. The English humour. Good. Very good.
HOWARD
(Without humour). Thank you.
DR CALAMARI
(He peers at his notes again and reads) … ‘The patient appears to be suffering from an acute, morbid but undefined guilt complex…’ Tell me, Mr… (He peers at his notes again) … Beale, why do you feel guilty?
HOWARD
My children…
DR CALAMARI
Ah, the kinder. They make you feel guilty always because you embarrass them, nein?
HOWARD
No. They make me feel guilty because they’re dead.
DR CALAMARI
The English humour…? (He peers at his notes again and tuts to himself). Ah… (He reads) … ‘undefined guilt complex related to the deaths of his two children…’ Sorry. Doctors’ handwriting, you know?
HOWARD
Yes, I do know. My Doctor’s last prescription turned out to be a suicide pill with a mild laxative side effect… (Pause. He smiles, thin-lipped). The English humour.
DR CALAMARI
Exssscellent, Mr… (Sneaks a look at his notes) … Beale… Exssscellent. After the lie-down therapy you should go into stand-up comedy.
HOWARD
Actually, that’s my job. I’m a stand-up comic. (He stands up and takes the centre stage spot. Takes out a joke sheet. His routine is done directly to the audience).
DR CALAMARI
Tell me about your childhood…
HOWARD
When I was at school, my teacher asked me, ‘Beale, what do you want to be when you grow up?’ I said, ‘I want to be a comedian, sir’… They all laughed at me... But they’re not laughing now.
I won’t say ours was a tough school. But we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like, ‘What I’m going to be if I grow up.’
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that God doesn’t work that way. So I stole one and asked him to forgive me instead.
DR CALAMARI
And your parents…?
HOWARD
I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body. Then I was born.
Every ten seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth. She must be found and stopped.
I have a stepladder. It’s a lovely stepladder. But it’s a shame that I never knew my real ladder.
I want to die like my father did. Peacefully in my sleep. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
DR CALAMARI
(Reading from his notes). ‘Marital difficulties’. Tell me about your wife…
HOWARD
My wife left me because I was a compulsive gambler. But I plan to win her back.
I’m a modern man. I’ve got no problem buying tampons. But apparently, they’re not a ‘proper present’.
I saw six men kicking and punching my wife. My mate said, ‘Aren’t you going to help?’ I said, ‘No. Six should be enough.’
DR CALAMARI
(Scribbling notes). Fassscinating… And your boss…?
HOWARD
My last boss was a bastard. He once asked me why I was two hours late for work. I said, ‘I fell down the stairs.’ He said, ‘That doesn’t take two hours.’
DR CALAMARI
How do you feel about… animals?
HOWARD
I was thinking of sending my dog to one of those pet psychiatrists. Trouble is, he’s not allowed on the couch.
How do you make a cat go ‘Woof’? Pour petrol on it, then apply match.
If cats have nine lives, doesn’t that make them ideal for animal experimentation?
DR CALAMARI
(Scribbling notes). Fassscinating… Morbid obsession… Tell me, Mr… Beale… How do you see the world?
HOWARD
The world is a dangerous place. Only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
You know, it’s a spooky world. I was walking down the road the other day when I saw this dead baby ghost on the pavement. Or possibly it was just a handkerchief.
DR CALAMARI
And what are your thoughts about Doctors?
HOWARD
I’ve been smoking for ten years now. And there’s nothing wrong with my lung.
I tried to kill myself the other day by taking one thousand aspirin. But after the first two, I felt much better.
(He gives a little bow, puts his joke sheet away, and returns to the couch).
DR CALAMARI
(Applauding). Very good, Mr… (Sneaking a look at his notes)… Beale. I can see that you and I are going to get on like a… how is the English? … Like a domestic inferno.
HOWARD
(Lying back on couch). Like a house on fire.
DR CALAMARI
Oh, let us hope not. Now, tell me about the kinder… the children…
HOWARD
All I did was kill my sons. One after the other. Killed them both.
DR CALAMARI
Do you mean you actually killed them? Or…
HOWARD
No. I didn’t physically kill them. But I was responsible. Jack, last year. Shane, last month. They were murdered. Only no one believes that. If they would, things would be all right.
DR CALAMARI
Why is that?
HOWARD
Because… (He looks fearfully at DR CALAMARI’s cabinet). What's that? That door?
DR CALAMARI
My cabinet. Where I hang my coat… And… my… instruments…
HOWARD
Open it. I want to see.
(DR CALAMARI gets up, crosses the room, and opens the cabinet. The ghosts of JACK and SHANE mime the doors being opened then use physical theatre to represent the objects as they are shown).
DR CALAMARI
Here is my coat… My stethoscope… Some books… Cuddly toy… (He takes out a stuffed black cat and frowns). Well that shouldn’t be in here. (He throws it away)… Some magazines…
SHANE / LADS AND SLAGS! MAGAZINE
In this week’s hottest ever issue of Lads and Slags! Sizzling babe on babe action!
(JACK strikes a variety of babe poses).
SHANE / LADS AND SLAGS! MAGAZINE
David Beckham’s thoughts on the recession…
JACK / DAVID BECKHAM
(Squeaky voiced). I’ll be alright.
SHANE / LADS AND SLAGS! MAGAZINE
The new M-90 assault rifle and what it can do to your head…
JACK / ASSAULT RIFLE ARTICLE
Ten pages of bullet wounds, all in glorious colour!
SHANE / LADS AND SLAGS! MAGAZINE
Plus a pull-out poster of the Prime Minister…
JACK / ASSAULT RIFLE ARTICLE
… For target practice!
SHANE / LADS AND SLAGS! MAGAZINE
Plus Essex Girls… And what they really think…
(JACK as ESSEX GIRL goes to open his mouth. Frowns. Closes it. Opens it again. Frowns. Then just giggles and strikes a babe pose).
DR CALAMARI
Not those kind of magazines. Medical ones.
SHANE / DOCS AND SHOCKS! MAGAZINE
Sorry… (Clears throat). In this week’s hottest ever issue of Docs and Shocks!
Sizzling brain surgery action!
(JACK mimes slicing his head open and taking out his brain).
The British Medical Council’s thoughts on the recession…
JACK / BRITISH MEDICAL COUNCIL
(Squeaky voiced). You’re screwed.
SHANE / DOCS AND SHOCKS! MAGAZINE
The new M-90 assault rifle and what it can do to your patients’ heads…
JACK / ASSAULT RIFLE ARTICLE
Ten pages of bullet wounds, all in glorious colour!
SHANE / DOCS AND SHOCKS! MAGAZINE
Plus a pull-out poster of the Secretary of State for Health…
JACK / ASSAULT RIFLE ARTICLE
… For target practice!
SHANE / DOCS AND SHOCKS! MAGAZINE
Plus Nurses… And what they really think…
(JACK as NURSE goes to open his mouth. Frowns. Closes it. Opens it again. Frowns. Then buries his face in his hands and weeps).
HOWARD
Bit… sensationalist, isn’t it?
SHANE / DOCS AND SHOCKS! MAGAZINE
We’re trying to widen our readership. Haven’t you heard? There’s a recession out there.
DR CALAMARI
Yeeeesss… And my packed lunch.
JACK / HANNIBAL LECTER
Some liver.
SHANE / HANNIBAL LECTER
Some fava beans.
JACK / HANNIBAL LECTER
And a nice Chianti… fpt-fpt-fpt…
DR CALAMARI
Oops. (Hurriedly closes cabinet doors). All right, Mr… Beale?
(HOWARD nods, a small sharp gesture, still tense. DR CALAMARI returns to his seat and picks up his clipboard).
DR CALAMARI
You were saying… If the murder of your two sons could be proved, all your troubles would be over. Why is that?
HOWARD
I’d go to prison. For life. And you can see into all the rooms in a prison. All the rooms.
(Scenes of prison life. The ghost of SHANE becomes a prison guard. The ghost of JACK becomes an inmate. They pull HOWARD off the couch and manhandle him through the routines).
SHANE / PRISON GUARD
Dead man walking!
JACK / INMATE
Fresh meat!
SHANE / PRISON GUARD
In with Big Bertha!
JACK / INMATE
You’re my little puppy now!
SHANE / PRISON GUARD
Shower time!
JACK / INMATE
Pick up that soap!
SHANE / PRISON GUARD
Dinner time!
JACK / INMATE
Extra helpings! (He phlegm’s and spits in HOWARD’s food).
(HOWARD mimes crawling back to the couch through a sewer from The Shawshank Redemption. Shane narrates as MORGAN FREEMAN / RED).
SHANE / MORGAN FREEMAN
Howard Beale swam through five hundred yards of the most foul-smelling stench imaginable… five hundred yards, the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile…
JACK / MATHEMATICIAN
Actually, five hundred yards is more than just shy of half a mile. It’s positively terrified. Five hundred yards is under a third of a mile. So Morgan Freeman is good at acting, but crap at maths.
(They pick HOWARD up and dump him back on the couch).
DR CALAMARI
Back to the story. How were your children murdered?
HOWARD
Don't try to force it out of me! This session has got to last twenty minutes! I’ll tell you, don’t worry. I’m not one of your nutters pretending to be Napoleon (Does Napoleon impression). I know you won’t believe me. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. Just to tell you will be enough.
DR CALAMARI
All right.
HOWARD
I married four years ago. Amy. I was twenty-one, she was eighteen. Shotgun wedding. That was Jack. I had to leave college and get a job. But I didn’t mind. We were happy.
(Flashback to marriage. Scenes of domestic happiness. JACK enters as a toddler. He mimes building with play bricks centre stage. DR CALAMARI watches with interest as HOWARD rises from the couch and joins the ghosts of his memory. He squats and plays with his dead son, helping him build the bricks).
JACK
Dada.
HOWARD
(Rising and going into his stand-up routine, direct to audience). You know that safety instruction you get on bottles of bleach and medicine? ‘Keep out of reach of children’? God, the fun I used to have… (Mimes holding a bottle of bleach just out of reach of his JACK’s grabbing hands).
JACK
Dada giv drink. Dada giv drink.
DR CALAMARI
Please, Mr… Beale… There is no need to entertain me. The memory is enough for my… purposesss…
HOWARD
Sorry. Force of habit. Amy got pregnant again. Out came Shane…
(SHANE enters, squats next to JACK, plays with bricks).
HOWARD
But Jack was dead by then…
(SHANE snatches a brick out of JACK’s hand. JACK looks around, then rises like a ghost and returns to his side spot. Watching. SHANE plays quietly with bricks but starts to look around. Nervous).
DR CALAMARI
Who killed the children?
HOWARD
The bogeyman. The bogeyman killed them. He came out of the closet and he killed them both.
(SHANE rises like a ghost and returns to his side spot to join his dead brother).
HOWARD
You think I’ve lost it, don’t you? But I don’t care. All I want to do is tell you and then get out of here.
DR CALAMARI
I’m lissstening. Tell me about it.
HOWARD
It all started when Jack was almost two.
(JACK re-enters. He gets onto the couch and curls up, crying. HOWARD stands over him).
HOWARD
He started crying when his mother put him to bed. At first I thought he was crying because I wouldn’t let him have a bottle. His mother said…
(SHANE, from the sidelines, in his MOTHER’s voice).
SHANE / MOTHER
Don’t make an issue of it. Let him have it and he’ll lose the habit when he’s ready.
HOWARD
But that’s the way kids go bad. You go soft on them, spoil them. And then they break your heart…
DR CALAMARI
Fassscinating…
HOWARD
After a while, though, when he didn’t stop making a fuss, I started putting him to bed myself. (Mimes tucking JACK in). And if he didn’t stop crying I’d give him a whack. (He hits JACK who stops crying). Then his mother said…
SHANE / MOTHER
He keeps saying…
JACK
Light, dada… Light…
SHANE / MOTHER
… Over and over again.
HOWARD
Well, I didn’t know. Kids that little. How can you tell what they’re saying? Only a mother can tell. She said…
SHANE / MOTHER
Let’s get him a nightlight. One of those wall-plug things with Mickey Mouse on it.
HOWARD
But I wouldn’t let her. If a kid doesn’t get over being afraid of the dark when he’s little, he never gets over it… Anyway, he died. I put him to bed that night and he started to cry. (JACK starts crying on the couch). I heard what he said that time. He pointed right at the closet and he said…
JACK
(Sitting up, pointing at closet). Bogeyman, dada. Bogeyman.
HOWARD
I turned off the light and left him. (Pours himself a drink). I was tired all the time. Felt like throwing him out of a window. Christ, kids drive you crazy sometimes. You could kill them. (Knocks back drink).
DR CALAMARI
Fassscinating… Tell me of… the death.
HOWARD
Jack started crying again. Woke me at three in the morning. Right on schedule. And his mother asked me…
SHANE / MOTHER
… Could you check on Jack?
HOWARD
I told her to do it herself and then I heard the scream. (A terrible scream is heard). I went in. Jack was dead. On his back. His eyes were wide open. That was the worst. Wide open, black, glassy. Like a doll’s eyes…
(He stares down at JACK’s body on the couch. JACK stares back at him, then slowly gets up, keeping his eyes fixed on his father the whole time. Then he turns his back on him and returns to the cabinet. HOWARD gets back on the couch).
DR CALAMARI
Fassscinating… Did you know it was the bogeyman then?
HOWARD
No. Not then. But I did notice one thing. It didn’t mean anything to me at the time, but…
DR CALAMARI
What was it?
HOWARD
(Looking at cabinet door). The closet door was open. Not much. Just a crack.
(JACK and SHANE mime the closet door opening just a crack with a slight horror film ‘CRRREEEAAAKKK’).
HOWARD
But I knew I’d left it shut.
DR CALAMARI
Fassscinating… What happened then?
HOWARD
(Shrugging). We buried him.
(Funeral scene. JACK lies centre stage, crossing his hands over his chest. SHANE becomes the priest. He stands at over him and reads a short funeral oration).
SHANE / PRIEST
Man that is born of woman…
HOWARD
… He was only a boy.
SHANE / PRIEST
… hath but a short time to live…
HOWARD
… And a long time in the grave. The rest is just poetry. Pretty words for an ugly day.
(JACK and SHANE go back to the cabinet).
DR CALAMARI
Was there an inquest?
HOWARD
Yeah. The coroner said…
SHANE / CORONER
… Cot death.
HOWARD
Well, life goes on, doesn’t it? Shane went right into Jack’s cot. We took the old mattress to the tip, though. Didn’t want my new son getting any… germs…
DR CALAMARI
Go on…
HOWARD
So a year goes by. And one night I’m putting Shane into his cot when he says…
SHANE
(From cabinet). Bogeyman, Dada! Bogeyman!
HOWARD
Just like Jack. (He looks over at the closet). And I started to remember about that closet door. Open just a crack when we found him. I wanted to take him into our room for the night.
DR CALAMARI
And did you?
HOWARD
No. How could I admit I was wrong? I had to be strong.
DR CALAMARI
And then what happened?
HOWARD
The bogeyman got him too. A month later. But something happened before that. I heard a noise in there one night. And then Shane cried out.
SHANE
(From cabinet). Bogeyman, dada! Bogeyman!
HOWARD
I opened the door. The hall light was on. And… something… moved... In the shadows… By the closet… Something… slithered…
(Slithering noises in dim light).
DR CALAMARI
Was the closet door open?
HOWARD
Just a crack. And Shane was crying. Sounded like…
SHANE
(Crying) … Claws…
HOWARD
Only he said…
SHANE
(Crying) … Craws…
HOWARD
Little kids have trouble with that ‘L’ sound, don’t they?
DR CALAMARI
Yeeesss… Crawssset?
HOWARD
Huh?
DR CALAMARI
Crawset… Closet. Maybe he was trying to say closet.
HOWARD
Maybe. But I don’t think so. I think it was claws. (He looks at the closet). Claws. Long claws.
DR CALAMARI
Did you look in the clossset? Go and look in the closet.
HOWARD
Yes.
(HOWARD braces himself, then goes over to the ghosts of JACK and SHANE who form the doors to the closet. He opens them).
DR CALAMARI
Is there anything in there? Did you see the…
HOWARD
I can’t see anything!
(He returns to the couch).
HOWARD
I slept on the couch… With the light on…
DR CALAMARI
Did anything… happen?
HOWARD
I had a dream. I was in a dark room and there was something I couldn’t… couldn’t quite see… in the closet. It made a noise... a squishy noise.
(Squishy noises).
And when I woke up in the middle of the night, I thought… it would be leaning over me. With claws… long claws… I started to think, maybe if you think of a thing long enough, believe in it, it gets… real. Maybe all the monsters we were scared of when we were little, maybe they’re all real. Real enough to kill all those kids you read about who were supposed to have fallen into gravel pits… or drowned in lakes… or were just never found… Maybe…
DR CALAMARI
… Yeeesss… Are you backing away from something, Mr Beale?
HOWARD
The sounds… the sounds… Amy left me. I wouldn’t let her take Shane though.
(He gets up from the couch. JACK and SHANE come forward. JACK, as his mother, grabs one of SHANE’s arms. HOWARD grabs the other. They pull at him).
HOWARD
She tried. But I put my foot down. (SHANE screams in pain and JACK, as his MOTHER, lets go). The man is the head of the house, right?
DR CALAMARI
If you say so, Mr… Beale… what happened next?
HOWARD
I put him to bed.
(He takes SHANE over to the couch and puts him to bed).
HOWARD
He screamed in the middle of the night.
(SHANE stands on the couch, points at the cabinet, and screams).
HOWARD
When I went in he was standing up in bed and screaming.
SHANE
(Pointing at cabinet). Bogeyman, Dada… bogeyman… wanna go wif Dada, go wif Dada…
HOWARD
I should have taken him out then. But I couldn’t. I couldn't. I wanted him to… get over it…
(He leaves SHANE alone and pours himself another drink).
HOWARD
And an hour later there was a scream. An awful gurgling scream. (SHANE screams). And I knew how much I loved him because I ran in. (He stands still, staring at his drink). I didn’t even turn on the light. And…
DR CALAMARI
… Yeeesss… What did you see?
HOWARD
I saw… it.
DR CALAMARI
Saw what?
HOWARD
It… The… bogeyman.
DR CALAMARI
It was… real?
HOWARD
As real as you sitting here now.
DR CALAMARI
(Scribbling notes). Fassscinating. And what did you do then?
HOWARD
(Standing still, staring at his drink). Oh, I ran. Ran to an all-night bar. How’s that for the head of the house? Ran to an all-night bar and drank six shots of JD. Then I went home. It was already dawn. I called the police before I even went upstairs. I knew…
(He slowly goes over to SHANE’s body on the couch).
HOWARD
He was black. All black. He swallowed his own tongue. And he was staring at me. His eyes… They looked like those eyes you see on stuffed animals. Shiny… Awful… And they were saying…
SHANE
(Quietly, adult, HOWARD’s guilt). “It got me, Daddy. You let it get me. You killed me. You helped it kill me…”
DR CALAMARI
(Glancing at his notes). The pathologist’s report said that it was…
(JACK, as the PATHOLOGIST, speaks to HOWARD. SHANE mimes a convulsion).
JACK / PATHOLOGIST
It was a brain convulsion, Mr Beale. A bad signal from the brain. Unfortunately he choked on his tongue from the convulsion…
DR CALAMARI
Sounds reasonable to me.
HOWARD
I tell you. I saw it. Just as plain as I see you sitting here now. And Shane. He was just lying there. Staring at me. Accusing me. A tiny bit of blood was running out of one ear. Only a drop, really. (He looks at the closet door). And the closet door was open. Just a crack… That’s all…
(SHANE slowly rises from the couch. He and JACK become the cabinet doors. Slightly open).
DR CALAMARI
(Finishing making his notes). A fassscinating case. Make an appointment with my receptionist, Mr… Beale… In fact, make several of them. Tuesdays and Thursdays?
HOWARD
I only came to tell my story. To get it off my chest.
DR CALAMARI
Mr… Beale… there is a great deal for us to talk about. I believe we can remove some of the guilt you’ve been carrying. But first you have to want to get rid of it.
HOWARD
Don’t you believe I do?
DR CALAMARI
Not yet. But you will. Tuesdays and Thursdays?
HOWARD
All right. All right.
DR CALAMARI
Exssscellent… Make an appointment with my receptionist, Mr… Beale... And have a nice day.
(HOWARD laughs emptily. He turns his back on DR CALAMARI and starts to leave slowly. As he does so, DR CALAMARI goes to the cabinet, opens the doors, enters, still facing the audience, and slowly closes them. Almost… HOWARD is almost offstage when he realizes that the receptionist isn’t there. He turns and goes back into the office).
HOWARD
Doctor, your receptionist isn’t there…
(The room is empty. But the closet door is open. Just a crack).
BOGEYMAN
(A voice. Soft and sinister. Accented, like Peter Lorre. Hidden behind cabinet doors). So niiice… So niiice…
(HOWARD stands rooted to the spot as the ghosts of JACK and SHANE, the cabinet doors, swing open).
BOGEYMAN
So niiice…
(The bogeyman shambles out. It is DR CALAMARI).
HOWARD
… You…?
BOGEYMAN
… Yeeesss…
(The ghosts of JACK and SHANE join the BOGEYMAN. Together, they slowly advance on HOWARD and surround him).
HOWARD
… Please…
(HOWARD falls slowly to his knees. The light is red and dimming. They huddle over him).
BOGEYMAN / JACK / SHANE
(Together). So niiice…
(They smother him. Blackout. A final scream).
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