Chris Port Blog #141. Un-Happy End

© Chris Port, 2000

(Note: As an example of my writing 'style', I wrote this script - first and only draft - delivered in instalments over 3 days. It was based on collaborative devising sessions with actors at the Central School of Speech and Drama. They subsequently performed the piece on tour - with educational workshops on Brecht - around several London schools, and then performed it for critical friend feedback from PGCE students at CSSD. All feedback was highly favourable. This playscript should be read in conjunction with Theatre and Education Notebook: Evaluation of devising and performance of Un-Happy End).

The Characters

PROSECUTOR
ACCUSED
DEFENDER
JUDGE
USHER
RECORDER OF FACTS

The Facts

The Accused is on trial after killing his wife who had been having an affair with his business partner. Who is guilty and who is innocent?

The Scene

A courtroom. We are approaching the end of a rather melodramatic murder trial. The Prosecutor is stalking backwards and forwards, clearly relishing her chance to nail another murderous misogynist. The Accused, an inadequate little man, is sweating in the dock. His false alibi has been blown. She is about to play her emotional trump card. He is clearly about to crack.

PROSECUTOR: Mr Graham. Did you and your wife ever talk about starting a family?

ACCUSED: Yes. Yes we both wanted children. It was just that I was always so busy with work. The time was never right. Perhaps if we’d had a child, she would never have had the affair with Dan. If we’d had a child, none of this would have happened.

PROSECUTOR: Mr Graham. When was the last time you had sexual relations with your wife?

DEFENDER: (Rising from his chair). Objection, your Honour! My client is clearly upset.

JUDGE: Over-ruled. Continue, Miss Freeman.

PROSECUTOR: Thank you, your Honour. Mr Graham, when was the last time you had sexual relations with your wife? The truth, please?

ACCUSED: I don’t know. A couple of months before her death.

PROSECUTOR: (Checking notes). Did you know your wife was six weeks pregnant when she died, Mr Graham?

(The Accused is shocked and silent. Deathly pale).

JUDGE: The defendant will answer the question.

ACCUSED: No. No I didn’t know she was pregnant. It must have been Dan’s child.

PROSECUTOR: Why not your child?

ACCUSED: No. It doesn’t make sense. She would have told me.

PROSECUTOR: I’ll tell you why she didn’t tell you, Mr Graham. Because Sarah was leaving you. This reconciliation of yours is just another lie, isn’t it?

DEFENDER: (Rising from chair). Objection, your Honour!

PROSECUTOR: (Who continues now regardless of constant objections until the denouement). She was leaving you for Mr Calder, wasn’t she? He was a better lover than you, wasn’t he? That hurt, didn’t it? Maybe you took the gun to scare her? Maybe you even threatened to shoot yourself if she left you? And she laughed at you! That was it, wasn’t it? She laughed at you!

DEFENDER: Objection, your Honour!

JUDGE: Miss Freeman!

PROSECUTOR: Tell us the truth, now. Confess yourself. Not only did you murder your wife in a moment of blind rage, you also murdered your unborn child!

(Objections, etc. Freeman carries on regardless).

ACCUSED: (Upset and angry). No! No, it was Dan’s child!

PROSECUTOR: It was your child, Mr Graham, because it couldn’t have been Mr Calder’s child! Mr Calder is sterile! Infertile! He can’t father children! The child was yours!

(Objections, etc. The Accused stands up).

ACCUSED: Stop it! All of you! Please stop it! (There is stunned silence). Don’t you understand what I’ve done? I’ve murdered my son!

A slow fade to black.

The lights flick up again immediately. The Usher ushers in an Epic Theatre.

USHER: (To audience). Women and Men of the Jury! Stop that romantic staring! This inadequate little man has murdered his wife! There! Our plot has now been unravelled! A character has been dissected! And emotions have spilled out like intestines on the floor!

But what have we learned? That human beings are messy? Is that all there is to it? Picture this disaster as a car crash in the street. Picture yourself as a bystander. How would you report this? By imitating everyone’s emotions? Or by showing how the crash happened? Put down your cigarette for a moment and show it as you saw it. Let’s compare arguments. Tragedy is laughable when it could have been avoided. Since we’re in a theatre, let’s act this out again and take one step back. And this time, don’t just gawp. Observe!

(The Recorder holds up a sign: THE MARCHING SONG OF OLD BAILEY. The actors sing to the audience).

ALL: Settle down, pin back your ears and hear our tale.
A petit bourgeois tragedy you can be sure.
Would British Justice triumph or fail?
In the court of Judge Penelope Bartlett-Moore.

The finest legal minds in England were hired.
Their fees alone would clear the Third World debt!
But the moment Mr Graham’s gun was fired
The barristers stopped playing hard to get.

All rise! Sit down!
Let’s adjourn for lunch!
Overruled! Sustained!
Can we get to the crunch?
Mistress Freeman! Mr Hargreaves!
In my chambers, please!
Objection! Objection!
You cannot afford my fees!

They shared ambition, one woman, and now they share the blame.
Daniel Calder, Jimmy Graham, tell us what could be fairer?
That we actors in this play set the Audience aflame
When they hear the sad and tragic fate of poor pregnant Sarah.

JUDGE: May I remind the Accused, and the Jury, that you are still under oath. I would also remind you that it is against British Law to lie under oath. Therefore, if you are guilty, you must tell the truth. Your trial be fair and just. Do you understand?

ACCUSED: (To Judge). Yes, your Honour. (To audience). So now the guilty must tie a noose with their tongues and knot it around their own necks! Is that how the world works, I ask you?

DEFENDER: (Rising from his chair and approaching the dock). Members of the Jury. I represent the Defence. Mr Graham. Are you guilty?

ACCUSED: No.

PROSECUTOR: (Rising from her chair). The prosecutor objects! Everyone is guilty of something! The Accused is clearly guilty here of lying!

RECORDER: (To audience). By that line of logic, we’re none of us innocent of anything. Everyone has a good reason to lie if it’s in their best interests. The truth of any statement depends upon its purpose. The question you should be asking yourselves is not who’s lying here but whose interests are being served?

DEFENDER: (To audience). I represent my client’s interests. That’s what I’m paid for, and I’m paid rather well. By serving my client’s interests, I serve my own.

PROSECUTOR: (To audience). I represent the Crown’s interests. That’s what I’m paid for, and I’m paid rather well. By serving the Crown’s interests, I serve my own.

JUDGE: I represent the interests of British Justice which is the finest legal system in the world. What other legal system protects property so well? I own several properties myself, as a matter of fact. So by serving British Justice, I serve myself.

RECORDER: (To audience). I’m the Court Stenographer, the Recorder of Facts. I don’t normally speak. I just write everything down. It’s a job, I suppose. But I’ve no interest in the outcome. I’m alienated, when what I should be is distanced, objective.

JUDGE: It is a basic principle of the British legal system, which is the finest in the world, that a man or woman is innocent until proven guilty. It generally helps to find someone guilty if you can find the right crime. Of what crime is the Accused actually accused, Recorder of Facts?

RECORDER: (Reading from script). It says here that (looking at Accused as she reads) ‘you did murder your wife deliberately with premeditation and malice aforethought which is contrary to the Law’.

(To audience). That’s why we have laws, you know? To make it very clear what’s right and what’s wrong. You have to be quite well-educated, though, to understand the Law, and there’s a lot of money to be made in it if you do.

JUDGE: Can we get a move on, please? British Justice should be like the British Summer. Swift and over in time for the football. What is the defence?

DEFENDER: The facts of this case are that Mrs Graham was shot with and killed with a gun, Exhibit A (he lifts up a cardboard cut-out of a gun tagged Exhibit A from the exhibit table).

It is also a fact that Mrs Graham was married to my client, Mr Graham. But what is marriage? Marriage is a contract of property, sex and children. How can we understand what happened without understanding these facts? Mr Graham, perhaps you can describe your marriage to the court?

ACCUSED: Well they talk about poetic justice. Let’s have a little judicious poetry.

(The Accused gets up from the dock and takes centre-stage. The Recorder holds up a sign: THE POEM OF THE MIDDLE-CLASS MARRIAGE).

ACCUSED: Dear Audience! Cynics! Now we approach
A point where Romantics must lesson take;
For to put it bluntly, Love is a poke
In your one good eye for Marriage’s sake!
For whom but a blind man would marry for love?
Let his sight be cleared by our hard-edged tale!
A Middle-Class Marriage is not enough
To stay together when the Contract’s failed!
Now: a man’s judged not by colour of skin,
Nor even his content of character,
But the size of his Wallet! That’s the thing
Which in the end will always attract her!
Love has thorns and Poverty pales her!
Marry! Man is sworn then born to Failure!

DEFENDER: You see? All my client is guilty of is being a failure! A failure in business, a failure in bed, a failure in relationships, a failure in marriage. Members of the Jury! I ask you! Is it a crime to be a failure in our society? Do people look down on you or think any less of you? Our society needs failures! Success sits on the shoulders of the poor! They cheer it like a sports hero or pop star! The success of the few is built on the failure of the many! They are the foundation of our society and where would we be without them? They serve our interests and, when they come to this Court, we serve theirs with Justice! Long live the poor! Long live failures!

ALL: Long live the poor! Long live failures!

JUDGE: A most eloquent defence of your client’s failure. I am moved to donate something to a charity. But what of the charge of murder?

DEFENDER: My client is clearly a failure. Quite clearly his wife was reconciled to him being a failure. You see? Love conquers all! Whereas my client’s business partner, Mr Calder, well that’s a different story. His was a success story and success is dangerous. Success requires selfishness, ruthlessness, and if Mr Calder couldn’t have her, then no man could!

JUDGE: I see. And what of the gun?

DEFENDER: Guns protect property. Quite clearly my client was too much of a failure to protect his wife and property. But why should failure breed violence? No. Failures are decent, noble unfortunates. It’s the only consolation as they sink to the bottom of the pile.

RECORDER: (To audience). That’s true. I’ve been a decent, noble unfortunate all my life. So what if I live in a run-down high-rise? Urine in the stairwells, rain through the roof, blood on the pavements and screams in the night? At least I’m a nice person. And if the Council don’t clean up their act then I can always vote for the other lot. Democracy gets things done! Eventually. Sometimes.

JUDGE: Does that conclude the case for the Defence?

DEFENDER: Yes. My client is a nice person and a failure. Clearly he is incapable of committing murder. Because if failure caused decent people to become violent then we’d really have to start looking at the reasons for failure. And I don’t think that would really be in our own interests. No further questions. (He sits down).
 
JUDGE: What is the case for the Prosecution?

PROSECUTOR: (Rising from her chair). If only it were as simple as being a nice person. But here, in this theatre, we are showing a Court of Law, not a Court of Niceness! And the Law is about facts! Who did what to whom and when. Mr Graham, can you report to the Audience the events leading up to your discovery of your wife’s body?

ACCUSED: Let me show you. I parked my car in the driveway and got out. (He steps out of the dock and takes centre-stage). The front door was open like that bit in a horror film... (He mimes opening a door and makes a creaking noise). He walked in. Bags were packed in the hallway. And on the floor was a gun. “Uh-oh” thought Mr Graham, although he may not have used those exact words. “Sarah!” he called, and those were his exact words. But there was no answer. Just silence. (All the cast fall silent. The Recorder holds up a sign: SILENCE IN COURT: STORY IN PROGRESS). Slowly, as if in that horror film, he walked into the lounge. And what did he see? What did he see?

ALL: Tell us! Tell us!

ACCUSED: He saw his reflection in the mirror! That’s not important but I thought it added a nice touch. (Matter of fact). Oh and he saw his wife’s body. She was sitting in an armchair and she was obviously dead.

PROSECUTOR: Why obviously?

ACCUSED: Her skin was pale as an angel, her lips a midnight blue. But the dead giveaway was that she had several bleeding bullet holes in her. Always pays to be observant about things like that.

PROSECUTOR: (To audience). It always pays to be observant about other things too. This man has obviously been rehearsed. (To Accused). Were you observant about the time?

ACCUSED: Yes. I pulled into the driveway. I looked at my watch. It read 5.32 p.m. I looked at my wife’s body. I looked at my watch. It read 5.33 p.m. I telephoned for an ambulance and a police car, as any innocent person would have done. I looked at my watch. It read 5.34 p.m. (To audience). Are you impressed with this character’s recollection of detail? Would it convince you of his innocence?

PROSECUTOR: A round of applause, I think. (The cast applaud as the Accused returns to the dock). Excellent attention to detail. Except for one small thing.

ACCUSED: Oh. Where do you think my character’s slipped up?

PROSECUTOR: He didn’t allow for the fact that his neighbours protect their property. Fences. Alarms. Oh, and security videos. Allow me to introduce you to Exhibit B (she holds up a cardboard cut-out of a video-tape tagged Exhibit B). Prepare to show fear as the noose of facts tightens. This video-tape, this protector of property, shows you going into the house not at half-past five but at half-past four! That’s over a whole hour before you called the ambulance and the police car! If your wife was already dead, what were you doing? (To audience). See how he shows fear now!

(The Accused whitens his face with talcum powder to represent fear).

ACCUSED: (To audience).

The Accused was scared! His underwear stank!
His alibi collapsed like a merchant bank!

(To Prosecutor). I was in shock. I must have lost track of the time.

PROSECUTOR: (To audience).

Now the fox bolts from the coop to his lair;
but little does he know the snare waiting there!

(To Accused). Mr Graham. Did you and your wife ever talk about starting a family?

ACCUSED: Yes. That’s the whole point of marriage. So a man can pass on his property to his children. His own children, that is. Nobody else’s.

PROSECUTOR: And how does a man create his children?

ACCUSED: Do you mean you want me to show you?

JUDGE: (Hurriedly). No, no. Mr Graham! I’m sure that was just a rhetorical question.

PROSECUTOR: When was the last time you tried to pass on your property, so to speak, with your wife.

ACCUSED: Exactly six weeks before her death.

PROSECUTOR: Did you know your wife was exactly six weeks pregnant when she died, Mr Graham?

ACCUSED: (Whitens his face again with talcum powder).

(To audience).

The Accused was shocked! His thoughts ran wild!
When he’d killed his wife had he killed his own child?

(To Prosecutor). It must have been my business partner’s child.

PROSECUTOR: (To Accused). No. Your business partner was bankrupt in that department! It was your investment which paid off! The child was yours!

(To audience).

Now see how this man breaks down on the stand!
How one more push makes him fall as we’ve planned!

RECORDER: (To audience).

His marriage in ruins,
betrayed by his wife,
these failures put you in
a bad mood for life.

DEFENDER: (To audience).

A love-rat successful
at home in his bed,
his failure more stressful,
it gnawed in his head.

PROSECUTOR: (To audience).

He hurt so he shot her
but who is to blame?
Is a man born to failure?
Who set up this game?

ACCUSED: (To audience).

His guilt breaks the silence!
“I’ve murdered my son!”
For failure breeds violence.
And that is the lesson.

ALL: (To audience).

So now we reach our un-happy ending.
Rich and poor can now embrace.
Once the cash is not a problem
Happy endings can take place!

The End.